The thing with us, women, in particular, is that whatever we find lacking inside our own family, we look for it somewhere outside. In our search for love and acceptance inside our household, we mistook the attention we get outside of the home as love and genuine care.
Or we know it is not; we choose to ignore it. That’s for fear of being rejected and left behind again. In doing so, we tend to control everything; we want to control the situation, and we build a life of codependency for selfish reasons.
Vale is a young entrepreneur who’s been a dedicated love coach to help women from all ages find love again. And she knows in order to do this, they have to find love within themselves. She helps women break through the barriers of codependency, let go of painful experiences and open up to a new way of living. Vale was raised by a single mom and she realized at a very young early age just how damaging not having this love could be. Her story is no fairy tale. She came from extreme poverty where none of the women had an education past high school. And some of them had not healed from their past traumas. None of them understood finances, and none of them had a healthy relationship with themselves or with others, despite having new circumstances.
While they did not let that determine her future, she went on to graduate college with honors and began her healing journey from all of the generational trauma that the women in her family couldn’t do. She got educated in business and by the age of 25, was already on her second business. What she believes is her calling as a love coach, she’s determined to spread her wisdom and be a light of hope for other women. She wants them to see that no matter how you started, and no matter what cards you are dealt, you can heal, you can change and you can love.
In this episode, Vale shares how she grew up without a father and the need and want for a father’s love she seeks outside, getting to be with men and having relationships with them even if it meant not treating her right.
She tends to get into that state of being in control of everything, choosing men who need her for fear of being alone and lonely. That constant feeling of finding your worth in other people.
Until she finally realizes enough is enough, she should stop
settling for less than she deserves. For that’s what life should be, finding true love that values and respects you as a human person with dignity.
It was not an easy road to traverse; with all the past identity that she was hanging on to, that’s just hard to accept and move forward. But moving ahead, she did. But first, acknowledging that she needs help and taking action on it. Plus, the tools to help her escape that needy frame of mind.
She went on to immerse herself in personal development. There were challenges, yes, but there was also the resolve to stand up again every time she fell. And in the process of turning things around for herself and her life, she finds real love and her true purpose.
“I realized that when I was numbing, I wasn’t just numbing myself from the loneliness that I was feeling. I was also trying to numb the lack of purpose that I felt. And the lack of service for the world.”
~ Vale
What you will learn from this episode:
- 05:47 – How growing up without a father has taken a toll on her relationship with men
- 11:30 – That day she decided to end the crap of a life she was living in
- 17:26 – The tendency for us women to compensate more but still feels inadequate
- 22:40 – Understanding that codependency mentality
- 24:02 – What is a codependent relationship called by other names
- 27:14 – Tools she uses to heal her past
- 33:33 – Sharing her experience of meeting her husband and how that made her feel and do something special for him
- 38:02 – What it feels like taking time off to just yourself
- 43:05 – Numbing herself from loneliness and lack of purpose
- 46:42 – How to get your problem smaller: Learn to embrace your lane whatever that is, and be of service
- 52:55 – A codependency with purposeful actions
- 56:43 – You’re not avoiding pain; you’re prolonging change
Connect with Vale:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovecoachvale/
Connect With Leslie Thornton: